


Ephemeral

by texturamatic



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Anxiety, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Smut, One Shot, yuwin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-25
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-28 12:32:51
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15049136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/texturamatic/pseuds/texturamatic
Summary: Yuta and Sicheng met each other for the first time in the club and they ended up in a hotel room; naked under the white sheets and clothes scattered all around the floor.Yuta was a very kind and cheerful person —he was like a sun who shined brightly, especially for Sicheng who always lived under the shade, avoiding people and letting himself being alone. If Yuta was like a sun, then Sicheng was more like a sunflower who grew toward the sun and needed its light.





	1. L O S T

 ⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅

  _They stared into each other's eyes,_

_slowly leaning in.  
_

_Lips met,_

_Eyes closed,_

_Heart raced.  
_

_Deep,_

_Passionate,_

_Intoxicating._

_For that single moment,_

_Time stopped._

_It was just the two of them,_

_Young and in love,_

_One became the sun for the other,_

_One became the sunflower who could not live without its sunlight._

 

**Ephemeral.**

 

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

**C H A R A C T E R S**

⋅•⋅⊰∙∘☽☾∘∙⊱⋅•⋅

 ⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅

_You're my water_

_when I'm stuck in the desert_

_You're the Tylenol that I take_

_when my head hurt_

_You're the sunshine of my life_

 — Best Part (2017)

⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅∙∘☽☾∘∙•⋅⋅⋅•⋅⋅⊰⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅⋅•⋅ 

[ ](https://www.flickr.com/photos/140479285@N02/42102286865/in/dateposted-public/)

 

  **©TEXTURAMATIC 2018**


	2. G O N E

Yuta loved Sicheng’s smile the most.

He thought that it was the most beautiful thing in the world and it became a fact that would never change for him. They met years ago when they were just sophomores at university and it wasn’t long before Yuta fell in love with Dong Sicheng. It was impossible not to fall in love with him, Yuta had often pondered. Their personalities were polar opposites from one another, but that was also why they attracted each other. While Yuta loved to socialize with people, Sicheng loved to lock himself in his apartment and drown himself in movies or video games. Who would have guessed that the two of them would meet each other in a club and ended up in a hotel room?

It was morning and Yuta woke up in a hotel room to find himself naked under the white sheets and clothes scattered all around the floor. The hangover hit Yuta hard as he tried to remember the things that had happened the night before. The party was fun, the DJ was amazing, and the drinks were free – everything sounded perfect except for the fact that he randomly jumped on a pretty guy at the bartender corner. And that pretty guy was no one but Sicheng, who was irritated after his best friend dragged him along to the club and ditched him not long after they arrived.

First of all, Sicheng was not a party person. If he could choose, he would rather be in his room all day rather than spending a few hours in the club, watching people grinding their bodies against one another. He would not be there if it wasn’t for his best friend, Jaehyun, who had begged him to go and bribed him with the latest release of his favorite video game. Too bad Sicheng hadn’t considered the possibility of Jaehyun leaving him alone after he found Taeyong at the club, and that was exactly what had happened.

Yuta went to the club frequently as he was surrounded by a bunch of party animals. But that night, he chose to separate himself from them when he saw a pretty guy sat in front of the bartender, drinking shots while looking irritated and lonely. Yuta approached him and talked to him, never expecting that it would become a long night for the two of them. Two drunk guys who found each other physically attractive, getting a room at a hotel to avoid drunk driving, yet they drove each other crazy as they started to touch one another. Both their lips tasted like Vodka – bitter but addicting and it was amazing. It didn’t take long for the room to be filled with moans and dirty talk while the air was smelled like sex and sweat. Both of them were under the intoxication of alcohol and each other’s electric touch.

Yuta could not deny that the night was great, but the only thing that bothered him was the fact that it was his first meeting with Sicheng. They did talk last night, but who would give a proper introduction when under the influence of alcohol? No one. Yuta stared at Sicheng who was still sleeping peacefully next to him and waited for him to wake up; they really needed to talk. No matter how wild he could be sometimes, Yuta didn’t want to be a douche bag who would use anyone only for a one-night stand.

Sicheng was furious when he woke up and found himself naked in front of a stranger – none of the events that happened the night before were recorded in his head. He had apologized ton of times even though Yuta insisted it was okay for him and he only wanted to talk about what happened the night before. But even then, Sicheng still apologized profusely; saying that he shouldn’t be there so Yuta wouldn’t have to spend the night with him. Yuta had sighed loudly at this. No matter how many times he said it was okay, the other guy would not stop saying how sorry he was, so he parted his lips and a single sentence blurted out from his mouth, “I will accept your apology if you stop being sorry and agree to be my friend.”

It had only been a random sentence that didn’t have any serious meaning in it, but surprisingly it led to something that they had never expected. They grew closer to one another and it was impossible for them not to fall in love. Yuta was a very kind and cheerful person – he was like a sun that shined brightly, especially for Sicheng who always lived under the shade, avoiding people and letting himself being alone. If Yuta was like a sun, then Sicheng was more like a sunflower who grew toward the sun and needed its light. And as they grew closer, Sicheng tried to open his heart to welcome Yuta into his life and to let know everything about him – to allow him to understand who he was.

Yuta discovered Sicheng’s insecurities and finally understood the reasons he apologized so much that day; Sicheng hated himself. He had a low confidence and high levels of anxiety. So he thought that Yuta would hate him to his guts and, as a result, mutter bad things about him – then, of course – the sex. He knew how popular Yuta was and he knew how bad it would be if a person like him were to hate or dislike him. It had happened before when he was in high school, and no doubt it had been the first time he cried to an extent where he had his first anxiety attack. That was why he avoided people – he didn’t want to feel any worse about himself and he didn’t wish to overthink anymore than he did already.

Sicheng suffered from anxiety and it was horror for him. There was time when his mind would tell him to disappear because no one would ever want him. And then there was time when his mind told him that he was not good enough and that he would never be; he felt hopeless, scared, empty, and tired. But everything became better after he met Yuta, and Sicheng tried to trust him more. Yuta loved him when he could not love himself – he was always there for him when no one else noticed his sorrow. What Yuta did for him was more than what he had ever wished for – he gave Sicheng happiness and he became the light that led Sicheng’s life.

At first, Yuta was the one who loved him more – he was totally whipped for Sicheng’s smile. People said that Yuta had the most beautiful smile, but little did they know that the reason behind his smile was Sicheng and his own pretty smile. It was hard for Yuta to open up the younger guy’s heart in the first few months, but once Sicheng opened his heart for Yuta, anyone with eyes could notice that the love he felt was much greater than Yuta’s. Sicheng would give everything he had for Yuta – his heart; his body; his love; and his future. For someone who never loved anyone else and hated himself to his guts, Yuta was like a room to breathe in for him. He was his happiness and losing him was obviously the last thing he wanted to happen.

Every day was perfect and the two of them were happy – they began to enter a new stage of relationship as they started to date and live together. They embraced each other every night, sleeping side by side while facing one another. No word spoke up but they felt comfortable with the silence while staring into each other’s eyes, drowning in their gazes, and a smile showed across their faces. Yuta averted his gaze from the younger’s eyes to his pretty lips before he leaned closer and his lips met Sicheng’s – giving him a deep and passionate kiss. It was very different from their first vodka-flavored kiss, but they sure had one similarity; both were addicting.

The kiss lasted for a minute before Yuta pulled away from the kiss and whispered slowly into Sicheng’s ear, prolonging each letter as if to savor them. “Sicheng, I love you.” He had said. Sicheng swore that his heart beat so fast it could have exploded that time. It was a simple sentence; consisting of four simple words yet they made Sicheng feel butterflies inside his stomach.

“I love you more.” Sicheng answered with a smile upon his face. He hoped for that moment to last forever – just the two of them being so in love with one another, and he wished the time would stop in that moment.

He wanted to grow old together with Yuta – like how they had promised before – but he thought it would be better if time could stop so they would be together without death setting them apart. But life was not that perfect and it had its own way to go on. Who would have thought that life and fate were trying to play with what Sicheng had wished for, twisting it into something that he had never imagined before?

It all happened really fast. One moment they were laughing at each other’s jokes while music played accompanying their ride, but in the next second, it happened. The car was turned upside down. The smell of smoke and gasoline hung in the air. Blood grazed their teeth and soaked their tongues, their bones and muscles felt crumbled and smashed into pieces.

Only one was able to open his eyes, still unaware of the situation. A long silence pierced through his ears – everything became still and quiet even though he could see some people approach him and red light flicker near the wreckage. His head hurt, he could not feel his own body. Nothing made sense, especially when he slowly turned his head to see the man he loved covered in blood.

Time stopped.

But for one of them; forever.

More than that, it had become a total opposite of what Sicheng had wished for; they could not grow old together and death really did do them part. Only one survived and he was the one who couldn’t live without the other. Tragic.

* * *

 Sicheng received a letter sent by no one but Yuta, who wrote it before he breathed his last breath. He braved himself to open the letter and found Yuta’s handwriting all over it. His handwriting was not the best – it was messy that sometimes Sicheng made jokes out of it – but at that time, the only thing that he wanted was to see it forever. He read the sentences one by one, slowly – he did not want to reach the end that fast. He could imagine Yuta’s facial expression and hear his voice inside his head; he missed him already.

 

_Sicheng, I love your smile the most._

_For me, it is the most beautiful thing in the world and that is a fact that will never change._

_I heard that you get bigger chance to live and I was so happy to know that._

_I’m sorry we can’t grow old together, but please, promise me that you will continue to live your life, grow old, and be happy._

_Let’s meet again one day. I love you, Dong Sicheng._

His heart hurt, it felt like someone was squeezing it so hard it was about to explode. Yuta knew best about what would Sicheng think at a time like this – dying – and that was why he wrote it. And so, Sicheng cried out loud, tears spilling relentlessly from his eyes and he gripped the letter close to his heart. Pain took over all of his senses, torturing him both physically and mentally. It dominated. The only light in his life that made him feel alive and happy had been taken away from him. Was heaven so dark that it demanded Yuta’s presence? If it had not been for the promise Yuta wanted him to keep, he would just do anything to cease his breathing. He cried all day as his heart tore into two and his world crumbled into pieces. The anxiety struck him hard again, making the guy blame everything on himself. The empty spot in his heart was there again, broken and cracked – creating a gap for his self-hate to thrive like it used to. His heart beated fast, his body trembled, he cried, and he cried, until he could see nothing but darkness.

Sicheng opened his eyes slowly and stared at the empty spot next to him. The bed was still the same, but it felt bigger than before. The clock struck past midnight yet Sicheng had woken up already – he could not sleep at all. Sicheng chuckled as he remembered the scene that happened those few years ago; at a time like this, when Sicheng could not sleep and kept waking up at midnight, Yuta would cuddle him and pat his head softly until he fell asleep or he might get out of the bed, walk towards the kitchen and make a cup of hot chocolate for him. The empty spot became blurry as tears started to mark a trail down his rosy cheeks.

He came back to reality.

Yuta was not by his side anymore.

He was not his and would never be his again.

The sunflower had lost its sunlight.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone! Thank you so much for reading! I hope you like the fic (even tho it's angst)  
> I appreciate every hit counts, comments and kudos. Have a good day!  
> Special thanks to my beta-reader, Anna :) ♥


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